Saturday, March 18, 2017

Getting Better

This blog isn't about losing weight. I mean, it is, but it isn't. I do need to drop the pounds, but more than that I need to be healthy.

You may know that my daughter has Down syndrome. Today her support group held a 5k. I didn't do it. I wanted to, but I let my self-esteem get in my way. I let the fact that I didn't want to be laughed at cloud my judgement. Who the hell cares if I get laughed at? Well, obviously, me. I shouldn't. I normally don't, but I do.

Now I am embarrassed that I let my embarrassment dictate my life. Mental health is an issue for me, as it is many Americans. I am socially awkward at times, and I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have for all of my adult life. What I have learned is that I will never get better doing what is comfortable. Why then, did I let myself fall into this trap? I was lazy and selfish. If you know me very well, you know that selfish is the last thing I want to be.

I own it, though. I did it. I was selfish and ruled by my self-esteem. Now, like my body, I have to get my mind better. I am going to complete the 5k next time. Hopefully they will do one next year. This was their first. I am going to start a Couch to 5k type of program. I need to find the app that I like the most. I will do it. For Lillie, I will do it. For myself I will do it.

I woke up feeling crappy that I didn't do it. Then my sister texted me. She did it. I am immensely proud of her accomplishment. She is also not in "runner's" shape. She sucked up her pride, selfishness, and fear and strapped her shoes on (no I don't mean she's selfish; I mean I was). She did it!!! Next year WE will do it. Who's with me???

If you have a favorite C25K app, drop it in the comments or message me wherever you see this link. Getting better is more than food, weight, or mental health. It's treating yourself as you deserve. I have value. I need to act like it.

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